Dick the Butcher

2011-08-01T03:56:00.000-07:00

Cancer-stricken Ground Zero worker gets check for $0.00 after the lawyers take their cut.

Holy Turkey Batman!

2008-11-13T00:31:00.000-08:00

Apparently there is a town in Turkey named "Batman." And apparently the residents of Batman failed to notice over 65 years of Batman comics, several movies, animated series and a live action TV series of the same name. But they've noticed the latest installment of The Dark Knight with the result of "a number of unsolved murders and a high female suicide rate."

So, Huseyin Kalkan, the pro-Kurdish Democratic Society Party mayor of Batman, has filed suit seeking royalties from Warner Brothers. He proclaims:

There is only one Batman in the world

I think he's right, there is only one Batman, but the world is full of turkeys.

2008-09-20T11:54:00.000-07:00

Here's an out of control bit of legal wrangling that even three other lawyers with a combined 58 years of experience can't figure out. A contractor, Mark Koch, pled guilty to criminal violations and was required to pay restitution. A bankruptcy judge then ordered the victim of the crime, Mark Poveromo, to pay the restitution back to the contractor:

Poveromo was ordered by a Federal Bankruptcy judge in St. Louis to pay Koch back the money he stole from him. The bizarre ruling claimed that by filing a complaint with Thomaston Police which led to Koch's arrest, Poveromo interfered with the contractors' attempt to file for bankruptcy, even though Poveromo had no idea Koch was attempting to do so.

Now if it had been a civil judgment, that would probably have been justified, but somehow the bankruptcy court thinks it's justified interfering with a criminal judgment. Now the victim faces bankruptcy himself - apparently this judge is just looking to do what he can to pump up the caseload. Oh, and he threatened to place liens or seize business assets if Poveromo appealed his bizarre order!

Ripped off businessman has to pay scammer

Government lawyers gone wild

2008-08-26T04:14:00.000-07:00

The federal government has filed an asset forfeiture lawsuit against billionaire record executive Henry T. Nicholas III, co-founder and former CEO of Broadcom. They're wanting to lay claim to his Newport mansion and his Las Vegas penthouse based on:

claims Nicholas kept a stash of cash at his mansion in Newport Coast and used the money to buy drugs such as cocaine and ecstasy and have parties with musicians signed to his recording label, Level 7. He also allegedly held similar parties at his Las Vegas condo and used his private jet to transport drugs there.

Image via Wikipedia

So, a law intended to pursue drug dealers is being abused by government lawyers to seize the home of someone accused of using drugs. And the connection is about as tenuous as they come - he kept the money used to buy the drugs at his house. Wait until some local DA realizes he can seize all the money in every bank in his county because meth heads used some ATM machines.

Democrat lawyers eat their own

2008-08-23T14:13:00.000-07:00

Democratic trial lawyer Philip J. Berg, Equire has filed a nuisance suit against Barack Obama claiming he's ineligible to be President.

The suit centers around evidence like Obama's school records which supposedly listed him as an Indonesian citizen. The Courts should have no problem quickly throwing this out as it was filled out by Obama's parent or guardian, who had no right to renounce Obama's US citizenship for him. Also, Obama was not yet of legal age, calling into question whether he could have legally renounced his citizenship himself.

The suit mentions that Obama was listed in the records as a Muslim, calling into question the Constitutionality of the suit itself since the Constitution specifically forbids religious tests for public office.

Image via Wikipedia

Finally, the suit diverges off into questions of Obama's use of the last names of his stepfathers as a child and the fact that he did not disclose this on his Illinois Bar application - facts that even if true are completely irrelevant to the very narrow Constitutional qualifications for the Presidency.

Full disclosure: I'm a McCain supporter - but I still wish these people would shut the hell up.

You'd think he'd NOTICE he was eating a 9-ft. tapeworm.

2008-08-20T07:37:00.000-07:00

Man sues Chicago eatery for $100K, contending he got a 9-foot tapeworm after eating undercooked fish there.

How does he know that restaurant is where he got the tapeworm?

In the lawsuit filed Monday, Anthony Franz said he ordered salmon salad for lunch from Shaw's Crab House in 2006 and fell violently ill. He later passed the giant parasite, which a pathologist determined came from undercooked fish, such as salmon.

At best, that proves he COULD have gotten the parasite there, not that he DID get it there.

I don't think she had that thong on right

2008-06-23T00:26:00.000-07:00

52-year old Los Angeles traffic cop Macrida Patterson is suing Victoria's Secret over a defective thong. She claims a metal staple used to attach a rhinestone to the thong popped off and ended up in her eye, injuring her cornea.

It seems a bit hard to believe that she was putting the thong on normally, in the normal place, and this piece shot off with such force that it ended up in her eye. Did it get caught on her foot and get stretched, creating a sort of slingshot effect? If that's what happened, I certainly have sympathy for Ms. Patterson, but it's hardly Victoria's Secret's fault. It falls in the category of things so unusual that no reasonable amount of planning is going to completely prevent them.

Every other scenario I can think of was even less Victoria's Secret's fault - standing on her head in her skimpy panties and the piece fell in her eye, wearing the panties on her head, purposely stretching the panties.

Woman sues Victoria's Secret claiming thong injury

These Lawyers and Their Suits

2007-05-03T17:32:00.000-07:00

An administrative law judge in the District of Columbia is suing a dry cleaner for misplacing the pants from one of his suits. The pants were found after a week and have been in the office of the dry cleaner's lawyer for over a year. The top settlement offer from the dry cleaner: $12,000. What's the judge want? $65 million.

The lawsuit was filed by a District of Columbia administrative hearings judge, Roy Pearson, who has been representing himself in the case....
Manning said the cleaners made three settlement offers to Pearson. First they offered $3,000, then $4,600, then $12,000. But Pearson wasn't satisfied and expanded his calculations beyond one pair of pants.
Because Pearson no longer wanted to use his neighborhood dry cleaner, part of his lawsuit calls for $15,000—the price to rent a car every weekend for 10 years to go to another business.
"He's somehow purporting that he has a constitutional right to a dry cleaner within four blocks of his apartment," Manning said.

Judge Sues Cleaner for $65M Over Pants

WARNING Squeamish much? Then skip this post.

2006-11-16T07:33:00.000-08:00

Bill Clinton wondered what the definition of "is" is.

Now a Minnesota lawyer wonders what the definiton of "animal" is.

Bryan James Hathaway, 20, of Superior faces a misdemeanor charge of sexual
gratification with an animal. He is accused of having sex with a dead deer he
saw beside Stinson Avenue on Oct. 11.

A motion filed last week by his attorney, public defender Fredric
Anderson, argued that because the deer was dead, it was not considered an animal
and the charge should be dismissed.

“The statute does not prohibit one from having sex with a carcass,”
Anderson wrote.

Yeah. Let's all take a moment to ICK! and move on to what might actually be a legitimate question.

C'mon. Do I have to spell it out for you? All right I will.

What about salami or pepperoni sticks?

'Cause I'm guessing there are quite a few guilty women in Minnesota if that's the case.

[Gee, thanks for bringing this to my attention, Drudge.]

Aside: The sex of the deer was not mentioned in the article.

You're a grand ol' flag; you're a high-flying flag . . .

2006-11-06T08:01:00.000-08:00

. . . which apparently irks the morons in charge of Palm Beach, Florida.

Palm Beach officials cited Trump for hoisting a large American flag atop an 80-foot pole at his lavish Mar-a-Lago estate and club.

Town officials said the real estate mogul has violated zoning codes with a flagpole taller than 42 feet and for erecting it without a building permit and permission from the landmarks board.

Trump has until November 27 to apply for approvals or face a December 21 code enforcement hearing that could result in $250-a-day fines.

The flag; can't burn it, can't fly it. So what do you do with it?

Tag, you're sued.

2006-10-21T07:36:00.000-07:00

Mass. school bans playing tag, citing potential legal liability:

Officials at an elementary school south of Boston have banned kids from
playing tag, touch football and any other unsupervised chase game during recess
for fear they'll get hurt and hold the school liable.

Banning dodgeball is bad enough, but TAG? What are kids supposed to do, just stand around outside (but only in the shade because of the sun's deadly cancer rays)?

When I was a kid, I got shoved on the bus by another kid, pushing a sharpened pencil through my bookbag and into my thumb. A piece of carbon (thankfully, it's not really lead) is still lodged in it, which you can sometimes still see through the skin. Perhaps we should ban pencils. Or flimsy bookbags. Or schoolbuses. Or kids.

Just please let me keep my thumbs.

California Suing Car Manufacturers

2006-09-21T01:40:00.000-07:00

The state of California is suing auto manufacturers alleging that their perfectly legal product when used in perfectly legal ways caused global warming which in turn caused "significant harm to California’s environment, economy, agriculture and public health." The ultimate irony, California "has more vehicles than any other state." But I guess you can't sue your own taxpayers, so suing out of state companies just works better.

Note that this was a logical outcome of the myriad suits against gun manufacturers and tobacco companies for the consequences of their legal products.

New York Times: California Sues 6 Automakers Over Global Warming

IceRocket Tags: lawsuit,frivolous lawsuit,emissions lawsuit,California auto lawsuit

Would you like fries with that?

2006-02-20T18:11:00.000-08:00

Very few people would dispute the one thing McDonald's does right - french fries. Several years back McDonald's stopped using beef fat to fry their fries because of health concerns and developed flavoring to keep the same good flavor. Many people (myself included) consider the current McDonald's french fries the best in the fast food world. As with any good thing these days, enter the trial lawyers:

On Wednesday, Nadia Sugich of Los Angeles sued McDonald's, saying she is a vegan and would not have eaten the fries if she had known they contained dairy products.

McDonald's sued over french fry ingredients

Overlawyered also reports on a class action suit in Cook County (Chicago, Illinois) Circuit Court alleging that McDonald's "falsely advertised that its french fries were milk and gluten free."

Family of Man killed by flying shrimp...sues

2006-01-12T23:52:00.000-08:00

The family of Jerry Colaitis is suing Japanese steakhouse Benihana's claiming his death resulted from the chef flipping a shrimp at him during dinner. Anyone who's dined at a Japanese steakhouse knows that this is part of the "show". Part of the fun of this style of dining is the interaction with the chef who prepares the food at the table. Now liberal trial lawyer safety czars are on the warpath ready to protect us from the danger of flying shrimp. It'll be one damn boring world if these guys get all the safety they want.

The family of a 43-year-old Long Island man is seeking $10 million in damages, claiming he died months after ducking a flying shrimp tossed by a hibachi chef at a Japanese steakhouse.

$61 million to family of driver who fell asleep at the wheel

2005-11-21T03:27:00.000-08:00

Driver falls asleep at wheel.

SUV can't drive itself.

SUV runs off the road and rolls over.

Driver dies.

No one else injured, so this should be the end of the story, right?

Wrong. Enter the lawyers. Sue the SUV maker. After all, it's Ford's fault he fell asleep, right?

Apparently a Miami jury thought so - $61 million.

Ford ordered to pay 61 mln usd to crash victim family

Free speech of libel suit prepackaged

2005-10-03T20:28:00.000-07:00

The libel industry ambulance chasers are salivating over www.ratemyprofessors.com "where the students do the grading". As the owner of Cyberdads puts it:

The site "Rate My Professors" is now so hot that lawyers are circling seeing who gets to sue for libel first. See it before it goes...

California Food Police

2005-08-27T13:25:00.000-07:00

First you couldn't eat a french fry on the D.C. subway (an unwise policy D.C. quickly retracted). Now, California's attorney general is suing french fry and potato chip makers...

California Attorney General Bill Lockyer sued nine fast-food giants yesterday, saying the law requires them to tell the public their potato chips and French fries contain a toxic chemical.

The "toxic chemical" in question, acrylamide, occurs naturally in all starchy foods when they are cooked at high heat.

Lawsuit filed over labeling potato chips and French fries

How lawyers behave when the clients aren't watching

2005-08-26T02:53:00.000-07:00

A new "tell all" novel written by a young City of London lawyer, Fish Sunday Thinking by Alex Gilmore.

young women are ranked by the size of their breasts rather than their legal acumen...sex is a commodity designed to advance careers...a large proportion of workaholic young lawyers blow their pay packets on alcohol.

Fish Sunday Thinking by Alex Gilmore

They couldn't do it without the jurors

2005-08-21T21:29:00.000-07:00

Texas jurors awarded $253 million in the first ever verdict against Merck & Co. in a trial involving a death linked to its painkiller, Vioxx. Aside from the outrageous size of the verdict generally, things get even screwier. The jury awarded $24 million in actual damages. The largest component of actual damages is usually lost income- right or wrong, that's the way our legal system is supposed to work. The poor fellow that died was a 59 year old produce manager at Wal-Mart. Let's be generous and say that his ticker would have lasted 30 years without the Vioxx and that he would have worked 20 of those 30 years (to age 79). Now let's assume Wal-Mart pays way more than it does, say $100,000 a year and a discount rate equal to today's federal funds rate which is historically low. (A higher rate would make future wages worth less). The lost wage portion of actual damages would be $831,660.33 with those generous assumptions.

Needless to say, Merck will appeal.

(You can use this Net Present Value calculator to check the results.)

Pentagon lawyers

2005-08-17T16:40:00.000-07:00

More information on how lawyers prevented intelligence sharing during the Clinton administration that could have stopped 9/11 cold in its tracks:

Shaffer said Able Danger identified Atta and three other Sept. 11 hijackers in 2000, but that military lawyers stopped the unit from sharing the information with the FBI out of concerns about the legality of gathering and sharing information on people in the U.S.

“The lawyers’ view was to leave them alone, they had the same basic rights as a U.S. citizen, a U.S. person and therefore the data was kind of left alone,” Shaffer said.

Shaffer said he and a Navy officer disagreed with that and tried to set up meetings with the FBI, but each time the idea was rejected by lawyers from the Special Operations command.

I think he may even be suing me

2005-08-15T22:29:00.000-07:00

William Rodriguez has filed the sort of lawsuit that you normally expect to see from a pro se litigant, the sort that under normal circumstance even a lawyer wouldn't want to associate his name with. But Mr. Rodriguez managed to find representation for his RICO complaint against, well, pretty much everybody for planning, conspiring, covering up and lying about about the 9/11 attacks. The list of plaintiffs even includes such noteables as Kevin Smith, who as far as I know is a movie director and comic book writer.

32. Against the criminals who have hijacked not just four airplanes but the government of the United States, and who have virtually unlimited financial and other resources at their disposal, stands a solitary American hero — whose valor shone brightly on that day, as defendants were flown hither and yon, and skulked in “undisclosed secure locations.” Plaintiff has continued to shine in his selfless, unpaid efforts to relieve the suffering of the victims, as the defendants have launched wars and inflicted measureless suffering, to benefit themselves and their cronies. Plaintiff, in the utmost good faith, alleges that there is much evidence that this happened, or at the very least was allowed to happen, to further the defendants’ imperial aspirations and their monetary greed, and (as no one in government has done their duty to investigate, expose and prosecute these crimes) this lawsuit may be the only peaceable means to reveal the truth.

Well, not totally alone. This "hero" does have his lawyer to help him "reveal the truth".

Lawyers claim molested girl was to blame

2005-08-15T19:31:00.000-07:00

Apparently lawyers have less moral compass than child molesters.

In a lawsuit by a 4th grade girl molested by her teacher, the school district's lawyers claimed "contributory negligence" on the part of the victim.

At his sentencing hearing, the molester said "Nothing that happened is her fault. It's all my fault." Tell that to the sharks.

Judge impedes our security

2005-08-15T16:35:00.000-07:00

A federal judge has blocked new rules at the Department of Homeland Security designed to allow flexibility in hiring, firing and deploying employees. The rules were intended to provide the agency with authority to make decisions based on the security needs of the nation rather than civil service or union rules. The judge has decided that the right of union employees to a fat paycheck is more important than our right to life.

The Department of Homeland Security, after more than two years of work on new workplace rules, may have to scrap the plan after a federal judge questioned whether it protects union and employee rights.

The rules were scheduled to begin today but were blocked by U.S. District Judge Rosemary M. Collyer in a ruling released Friday night.

Is this really a good idea?

2005-08-13T01:18:00.000-07:00

Is it really a good idea to have the International Atomic Energy Agency headed up by a lawschool classmate of Saddam Hussein?

In 1961, [Hussein] entered Cairo University School of Law, but did not finish his studies there.

[Dr. Mohamed] ElBaradei earned a Bachelor's degree in Law from the University of Cairo in 1962.

ElBaradei is the Director General of the International Atomic Energy Agency. Why was this never mentioned by the media when ElBaradei was in charge of the Iraq weapons inspections? Is Cairo University law department the Middle East Skull and Bones?

Did lawyers allow 9/11?

2005-08-10T13:40:00.000-07:00

According to news reports, a military special operation identified 9/11 lead hijacker Mohammed Atta and 3 other members of an al Qaeda cell in 2000, but

government lawyers advised the military's Special Operations Command, which oversaw "Able Danger," not to forward the information apparently because the four were in the United States legally on visas and should not be subject to a military operation.

Class action lawlessness

2005-08-04T16:21:00.000-07:00

Zenophobia links to an article on the latest class action abuse.

In 2000 or 2001, Sony Pictures created the fictitious movie critic "David Manning" to push their movies to potential moviegoers. Quotes from "Manning" were included in advertising for several movies. So, some lawyers decided to get themselves a plaintiff and sue on behalf of anyone who went to one of those movies. They made themselves "$500,000 in attorneys fees". And what did they get for the moviegoers?

Under terms of the agreement, moviegoers who bought tickets to any of the four films between Aug. 3, 2000, and Oct. 31, 2001, could file a claim that could return them as much as $5 for each ticket purchased. Unclaimed portions of the settlement fund are to be earmarked for charity.

Whoohoo!!!! $5. I wonder if you have to be able to produce your 4 year old ticket stub or if this is on the honor system?

Saddam's Lawyers

2005-08-02T17:40:00.000-07:00

Saddam Hussein's lawyers are threatening to boycott court proceedings until the tribunal apologizes for not preventing an alleged attack on Hussein.

lawyer Khalil al-Dulaimi, who attended the court appearance, insisted the allegation was true and demanded the government acknowledges it. He also insisted the Iraqi special tribunal apologise for the incident, guarantee the safety of Saddam and other former regime figures during future appearances, and punish the alleged attacker. Mr Dulaimi said Saddam's lawyers would stop attending any further proceedings "until our demands are met".

So, are they abusing the process to delay the start of the trial or are they leaving their client without representation as the court proceeds regardless of their "boycott." If it's the first and the strategy works will we see defense attorneys all over the world "boycotting" court proceedings to buy their clients more time?

Criminal mischief?

2005-07-22T18:55:00.000-07:00

In a good case of self-policing, the lawyers at Volokh Conspiracy point out an out of control prosecutor wasting taxpayer money on behalf of jilted women. It was bad enough when hell had not fury, but now women scorned have criminal prosecution as a tool.

Authorities said Brian Jackson, 31, dated two women by pretending to be Pittsburgh Steelers quarterbacks Ben Roethlisberger and Brian St. Pierre.

Jackson, arrested Friday, was charged with harassment for allegedly continuing to contact both women after they learned of the ruses. He was also charged with criminal mischief for allegedly ruining a Steelers jersey owned by one of the women's neighbors when he signed his worthless rendition of Roethlisberger's autograph on it. The jersey was worth $75 before it was signed, police said.

As the newspaper, the Volokhians and the commenters all pointed out, a Steeler's fan ought to recognize the actual wearer of the jersey. One commenter noted that the appropriate legal principle here is caveat cheapskate.

The Fraternity: Lawyers and Judges in Collusion

2005-07-16T17:18:00.000-07:00

Superior Court Judge John Fitzgerald Molloy is breaking the fraternity's code of silence and speaking out on how the legal system in the United States has been so corrupted for the enrichment of attorneys and the absolute power of judges. His solution - separating the bar from the bench - is less extreme than the original Dick's, but his book, The Fraternity: Lawyers And Judges In Collusion , is a must read for exposing the corruption that has eaten the heart out of the American system of government.

As lawyer and judge for half a century, John Fitzgerald Molloy has both profited from our legal system and seen how it has been altered in favor of lawyers, to the detriment of society. The book starts with the evolution of the Fraternity, with the author using vivid descriptions of particular cases in which he was involved. He shows that the legal profession has continuously re-shaped the law, in subtle but significant ways, to make legal services ever more necessary—and more lucrative for the Fraternity.

Lawyers are a pain in the rear

2005-07-13T18:09:00.000-07:00

The Best Defense brings this story. A Florida attorney was suspended from practicing law for 90 days when "after being appointed guardian ad litem for a mentally retarded woman, he stole her money and took sexual liberties with her."

The defense that his fellow lawyers bought? The bloody a-hole defense. No, he didn't admit to being a bloody a-hole....

He said he had hemorrhoids."

"So?"

"He said that the medication he was taking affected his ability to reason."

(Post was emailed to me by Mr. Hutchison of Arkanssouri blxg.)

Something worse than lawyers?

2005-07-06T16:14:00.000-07:00

LawFirmHelp, a blog helping attorneys with marketing points out that there is something better for frustrating and angering everybody than attorneys. Specifically, those "If you want so-and-so press 1..." answering systems.

My point, in a nutshell: if you wanted to invent a machine to frustrate and anger every single person who called your office, you could not do better than one of these answering systems.

Yeah, as if having to call a lawyer's office wasn't bad enough in itself.

Commenter from TraverseLegal solves the problem by training the firm's clients. "You called the right number. Good boy. Here's a treat."

The Second Thing We Do

2005-06-30T18:53:00.000-07:00

We seize the judge's property:

Dear Mr. Meany,

I am proposing to build a hotel at 34 Cilley Hill Road in the Town of Weare. I would like to know the process your town has for allowing such a development.

Although this property is owned by an individual, David H. Souter, a recent Supreme Court decision, "Kelo vs. City of New London" clears the way for this land to be taken by the Government of Weare through eminent domain and given to my LLC for the purposes of building a hotel. The justification for such an eminent domain action is that our hotel will better serve the public interest as it will bring in economic development and higher tax revenue to Weare.

Lawyers even eat their own young

2005-06-14T20:15:00.000-07:00

Anonymous Lawyer reveals the dirty secrets of his profession. In his profession, it has to be anonymous. Remember The Firm. Nobody wants to be whacked by Wilfred Brimley. In his latest post Anonymous reveals how lawyers eat their own young. They used to feed them to the dogs out back, but the dogs are gone now.

We know who we want to have succeed here and who we'd just as soon say goodbye to in a year and a half. We know whose names we eventually want on the letterhead (just a turn of phrase... we stopped putting partners' names on the letterhead a long time ago). And if they don't graduate with honors, then maybe we start to second-guess ourselves. Maybe we made the wrong choice. Or regular honors when we thought they'd do even better than that? Maybe they're slackers. Maybe a distinguished career in the law isn't as important to them as we thought. Maybe they're just like everyone else, and we should just burn them out as fast as we can and throw their carcass to the pile of dogs waiting out back (just a turn of phrase... we got rid of the dogs a long time ago).

Bank robber confesses to being lawyer

2005-06-08T10:21:00.000-07:00

Or at least that's the way it ought to have happened...

A top German lawyer has handed himself into police and confessed to being responsible for a string of bank robberies that netted £250,000.

Via email from John at Arkanssouri Blog.

Class action madness

2005-05-26T00:21:00.000-07:00

Clayton Lee (a law student, but we won't hold that against him - he hasn't fallen to the dark side yet.) reports on opening his AMEX bill to find :

...a credit of 41 cents. The description read: "CLASS ACTION SETTLEMENT/BOEHR". Times like this that I'm so grateful we have trial lawyers in our country who are ever dedicated to the pursuit of justice.

This was settled for $8,200,000 of which, $3,000,000 for Attorneys’ Fees plus a proportional share of net interest on the Settlement Contribution. $10,000, to Plaintiff Mr. Boehr. "Proportional share of net interest"- I'm willing to bet that amounts to at least a few hundred thousand more. And all for the sake of a few cents per cardholder. How many dollars did this cost each cardholder in increased interest and fees that AMEX used to pad the bottom line against just such lawsuits?

Legal Spooks

2005-05-23T15:59:00.000-07:00

CIA's OGC has been recognized
as one of
the greatest places to work
with a law degree.

Lawyers like working at the CIA. What's that tell you?

Hat tip to Orrin Kerr at Volokh Conspiracy.

Goofy judges not limited to the US

2005-05-20T19:12:00.000-07:00

Apparently judges (who are, after all, lawyers) are goofy the world over.

A russian court has ruled that an astrologer can sue NASA over plans to bombard a comet whose destruction would "disrupt the natural balance of the universe".

The grounds are almost as goofy as the opinion itself. The lower court ruled that it lacked jurisdiction over NASA, but the appellate court ruled that the presence of a US embassy gave Russian courts jurisdiction. One doesn't have to a be a lawyer to see the flaw in that - the embassy is specifically exempted from Russian law, under international law it is US territory. But then, if a court can't just throw out a suit for being utterly ridiculous, why should we expect the court's ruling to make sense?

Hat tip to The Club for Growth

Lawyer condemns jailing of Saddam

2005-05-20T14:59:00.000-07:00

CNN reports that A lawyer for Saddam Hussein [need I say more?]

says it is "regrettable" that a British tabloid published pictures of the former
dictator living in captivity, but he is more concerned that U.S. and Iraqi
authorities are flouting the former Iraqi president's legal rights by keeping
him jailed without issuing an indictment.

On another note, Saddam himself holds not one, but two law degrees.

Education: University of Cairo, law degree 1962; Mustanseriya University in Baghdad, law degree 1971

Here's one we can do without

2005-05-17T22:10:00.000-07:00

"John N. Greenwood for the plaintiff" is a lawyer we could do without.

In a rare miracle of judicial intelligence, his client's "lawsuit already has been thrown out by judges in Salem District Court and Essex Superior Court.The appeals court upheld those rulings...," but "Greenwood, said he is likely to appeal Monday's ruling to the state's highest court."

Fair enough that he wants to appeal, but here are the Facts:

Facts. The summary judgment record, viewed in the light most favorable to the plaintiff, Coveney v. President & Trustees of the College of the Holy Cross, 388 Mass. 16, 17 (1983), establishes the following facts. The plaintiff and the defendant were in a long-term committed relationship. Early in the morning of September 24, 1994, they were engaged in consensual sexual intercourse. The plaintiff was lying on his back while the defendant was on top of him. The defendant's body was secured in this position by the interlocking of her legs and the plaintiff's legs. At some point, the defendant unilaterally decided to unlock her legs and place her feet on either side of the plaintiff's abdomen for the purpose of increasing her stimulation. When the defendant changed her position, she did not think about the possibility of injury to the plaintiff. Shortly after taking this new position, the defendant landed awkwardly on the plaintiff, thereby causing him to suffer a penile fracture.

Piano Player

2005-05-12T15:58:00.000-07:00

Little Andy was in kindergarten and one day the teacher asked all the children what their fathers did for a living.

"My dad's a piano player in a whorehouse!" Andy shouted proudly.

Appalled, the teacher called Andy's parents in for a meeting the next day and explained what Andy had said.

"I'm not really a piano player in a whorehouse," Andy's father replied. "I just told him that. After all, how do you tell a child his father is a lawyer?"

Thanks to John of Arkanssouri for emailing me the joke.

$45,000 for a cat

2005-05-10T00:01:00.000-07:00

A woman in North Seattle was awarded over $45,000 when her neighbors dog killed her cat.

Judge Linde determined that Roemer should receive $30,000 in replacement value for the loss of her cat, $15,000 for emotional distress, $90 to recoup the cost of having Yofi cremated, $80 in medical expenses and $24.12 in interest.

Now, you're thinking $30,000 replacement value this must have been some purebred show cat. The cat of cats. A regular Giacomo of the cat racing world (Do cats race? Those have got to be some small jockeys.) Right? Wrong.

she rescued a scraggly kitten abandoned on a pathway while she was vacationing in Israel 13 years ago...a neighbor's dog mauled and killed that same beloved cat, Yofi, last year...

Damn. $30,000 is not a bad payoff on rescuing a cat even if it did take 13 years.

But that's not all. Apparently civil lawyers and judges weren't the only ones out of control. The dog's owner

had already served 21 days in jail and three months under house arrest for the animal-control violation. He wasn't living in the house with his dog at the time of the attack, he said, and the acquaintance who was taking care of his dog left town before the trial.

Apparently these folks haven't read about howMichigan considered handling cats that wander the neighborhood unchecked.

Hat tip to Overlawyered .

Ten Commandments in Court

2005-05-04T19:26:00.000-07:00

The real reason we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse:

Posting "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Covet" and "Thou Shalt Have No Other Gods Before Me" in a building full of lawyers and judges just doesn't work.

Lawyers take the high road...sort of

2005-05-03T18:02:00.000-07:00

Lynndie England's lawyers in her sentencing trial,

sought leniency for Pfc. Lynndie England at a hearing Tuesday to determine her punishment in the Abu Ghraib prison abuse scandal, with a psychologist testifying that the reservist was oxygen-deprived at birth, speech impaired and had trouble learning to read.

Interestingly they took the high road and didn't bother pointing out that this behavior,

England held a leash looped around the neck of a hooded, naked prisoner. Another showed her next to nude prisoners stacked in a pyramid, while a third depicted England pointing at a prisoner's genitals as a cigarette dangled from her lips.

was something some guys would pay a lot of money for.

Interesting twist on "Crooked lawyer gets murderer off"

2005-05-03T17:53:00.000-07:00

How do you get off for murdering three generations of a family? Hire a crooked lawyer and then have your lawyer claim on appeal...that your first lawyer was crooked. A lawyer, crooked? That's news. If this appeal strategy catches on, is there really any chance that any murder conviction will ever stick?

A man serving life for the murders of three generations of a family had his convictions quashed yesterday after the appeal court ruled that he had not had a fair trial because of a conflict of interest involving his solicitor.

$60,000 bus ticket

2005-05-02T21:09:00.000-07:00

Apparently you can go Greyhound and leave the driving to them. And with gas at $2/gallon, the tickets are actually damn cheap. But don't worry, as with all good things that need to be brought to an end, the lawyers are on the case. Apparently, they think a bus ticket should include a $60,000 city tax.

The city of Duluth may also take civil action to recoup about $40,000 to $60,000 from Wilbanks for costs incurred in her hometown's search for her, Police Chief Randy Belcher said at a Monday evening news briefing.

The city's attorneys have yet to actually say what their cause of action is. Apparently, these attorneys are just really anxious to get into court, tort or no tort.

Welcome

2005-05-02T18:11:00.000-07:00

Not another blawg! No, in fact it isn't.

There are, of course, dozens of good blawgs (such as Volokh.com) covering court decisions, etc., several good sites (such as overlawyered.com) reporting on the abuses of the legal profession and hundreds of conspiracy theorists, pro se advocates, etc. Plenty out there.

Dick the Butcher will take a decidedly lighter view, or darker, perhaps, as the name might imply. In either case it will bring an irreverent and humorous focus to looking at the shenanigans of shysters. And occasionally a humorous and irreverent look at some of the goofiness put out by those who criticize the lawyers.

Lawyer or nonlawyer, if you are easily offended or have no sense of humor (and you weren't clued in by the title or the first post, quoting the original Dick the Butcher) this is probably not the place for you. Comments complaining about my bad taste, etc. will be ridiculed. Comments complaining about my lack of sense of humor will be ignored. Threats will, of course, be referred to my lawyer.

Dick the Butcher

2005-05-02T18:06:00.000-07:00

Dick the Butcher and friends from Henry VI, William Shakespeare:

(Note: In spite of the moniker, no lawyers were harmed in the making of this blawg.)

CADE

Be brave, then; for your captain is brave, and vows
reformation. There shall be in England seven
halfpenny loaves sold for a penny: the three-hooped
pot; shall have ten hoops and I will make it felony
to drink small beer: all the realm shall be in
common; and in Cheapside shall my palfrey go to
grass: and when I am king, as king I will be,--

ALL

God save your majesty!

CADE

I thank you, good people: there shall be no money;
all shall eat and drink on my score; and I will
apparel them all in one livery, that they may agree
like brothers and worship me their lord.

DICK

The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.

CADE

Nay, that I mean to do. Is not this a lamentable
thing, that of the skin of an innocent lamb should
be made parchment? that parchment, being scribbled
o'er, should undo a man? Some say the bee stings:
but I say, 'tis the bee's wax; for I did but seal
once to a thing, and I was never mine own man
since. How now! who's there?

Dick the Butcher

Holy Turkey Batman!

Government lawyers gone wild

Democrat lawyers eat their own

You'd think he'd NOTICE he was eating a 9-ft. tapeworm.

I don't think she had that thong on right

Woman sues Victoria's Secret claiming thong injury

These Lawyers and Their Suits

*WARNING* Squeamish much? Then skip this post.

You're a grand ol' flag; you're a high-flying flag . . .

Tag, you're sued.

California Suing Car Manufacturers

Would you like fries with that?

Family of Man killed by flying shrimp...sues

$61 million to family of driver who fell asleep at the wheel

Free speech of libel suit prepackaged

California Food Police

How lawyers behave when the clients aren't watching

They couldn't do it without the jurors

Pentagon lawyers

I think he may even be suing me

Lawyers claim molested girl was to blame

Judge impedes our security

Is this really a good idea?

Did lawyers allow 9/11?

Class action lawlessness

Saddam's Lawyers

Criminal mischief?

The Fraternity: Lawyers and Judges in Collusion

Lawyers are a pain in the rear

Something worse than lawyers?

The Second Thing We Do

Lawyers even eat their own young

Bank robber confesses to being lawyer

Class action madness

Legal Spooks

CIA's OGC has been recognized as one of the greatest places to work with a law degree.

Goofy judges not limited to the US

Lawyer condemns jailing of Saddam

Here's one we can do without

Piano Player

$45,000 for a cat

Ten Commandments in Court

Lawyers take the high road...sort of

Interesting twist on "Crooked lawyer gets murderer off"

$60,000 bus ticket

Welcome

Dick the Butcher

WARNING Squeamish much? Then skip this post.

CIA's OGC has been recognized
as one of
the greatest places to work
with a law degree.