Class action madness

Clayton Lee (a law student, but we won't hold that against him - he hasn't fallen to the dark side yet.) reports on opening his AMEX bill to find :

...a credit of 41 cents. The description read: "CLASS ACTION SETTLEMENT/BOEHR". Times like this that I'm so grateful we have trial lawyers in our country who are ever dedicated to the pursuit of justice.

This was settled for $8,200,000 of which, $3,000,000 for Attorneys’ Fees plus a proportional share of net interest on the Settlement Contribution. $10,000, to Plaintiff Mr. Boehr. "Proportional share of net interest"- I'm willing to bet that amounts to at least a few hundred thousand more. And all for the sake of a few cents per cardholder. How many dollars did this cost each cardholder in increased interest and fees that AMEX used to pad the bottom line against just such lawsuits?

Legal Spooks

CIA's OGC has been recognized
as one of
the greatest places to work
with a law degree.

Lawyers like working at the CIA. What's that tell you?

Hat tip to Orrin Kerr at Volokh Conspiracy.

Goofy judges not limited to the US

Apparently judges (who are, after all, lawyers) are goofy the world over.

A russian court has ruled that an astrologer can sue NASA over plans to bombard a comet whose destruction would "disrupt the natural balance of the universe".

The grounds are almost as goofy as the opinion itself. The lower court ruled that it lacked jurisdiction over NASA, but the appellate court ruled that the presence of a US embassy gave Russian courts jurisdiction. One doesn't have to a be a lawyer to see the flaw in that - the embassy is specifically exempted from Russian law, under international law it is US territory. But then, if a court can't just throw out a suit for being utterly ridiculous, why should we expect the court's ruling to make sense?

Hat tip to The Club for Growth

Lawyer condemns jailing of Saddam

CNN reports that A lawyer for Saddam Hussein [need I say more?]

says it is "regrettable" that a British tabloid published pictures of the former
dictator living in captivity, but he is more concerned that U.S. and Iraqi
authorities are flouting the former Iraqi president's legal rights by keeping
him jailed without issuing an indictment.

On another note, Saddam himself holds not one, but two law degrees.

Education: University of Cairo, law degree 1962; Mustanseriya University in Baghdad, law degree 1971

Here's one we can do without

"John N. Greenwood for the plaintiff" is a lawyer we could do without.

In a rare miracle of judicial intelligence, his client's "lawsuit already has been thrown out by judges in Salem District Court and Essex Superior Court.The appeals court upheld those rulings...," but "Greenwood, said he is likely to appeal Monday's ruling to the state's highest court."

Fair enough that he wants to appeal, but here are the Facts:

Facts. The summary judgment record, viewed in the light most favorable to the plaintiff, Coveney v. President & Trustees of the College of the Holy Cross, 388 Mass. 16, 17 (1983), establishes the following facts. The plaintiff and the defendant were in a long-term committed relationship. Early in the morning of September 24, 1994, they were engaged in consensual sexual intercourse. The plaintiff was lying on his back while the defendant was on top of him. The defendant's body was secured in this position by the interlocking of her legs and the plaintiff's legs. At some point, the defendant unilaterally decided to unlock her legs and place her feet on either side of the plaintiff's abdomen for the purpose of increasing her stimulation. When the defendant changed her position, she did not think about the possibility of injury to the plaintiff. Shortly after taking this new position, the defendant landed awkwardly on the plaintiff, thereby causing him to suffer a penile fracture.

Piano Player

Little Andy was in kindergarten and one day the teacher asked all the children what their fathers did for a living.

"My dad's a piano player in a whorehouse!" Andy shouted proudly.

Appalled, the teacher called Andy's parents in for a meeting the next day and explained what Andy had said.

"I'm not really a piano player in a whorehouse," Andy's father replied. "I just told him that. After all, how do you tell a child his father is a lawyer?"

Thanks to John of Arkanssouri for emailing me the joke.

$45,000 for a cat

A woman in North Seattle was awarded over $45,000 when her neighbors dog killed her cat.

Judge Linde determined that Roemer should receive $30,000 in replacement value for the loss of her cat, $15,000 for emotional distress, $90 to recoup the cost of having Yofi cremated, $80 in medical expenses and $24.12 in interest.

Now, you're thinking $30,000 replacement value this must have been some purebred show cat. The cat of cats. A regular Giacomo of the cat racing world (Do cats race? Those have got to be some small jockeys.) Right? Wrong.

she rescued a scraggly kitten abandoned on a pathway while she was vacationing in Israel 13 years ago...a neighbor's dog mauled and killed that same beloved cat, Yofi, last year...

Damn. $30,000 is not a bad payoff on rescuing a cat even if it did take 13 years.

But that's not all. Apparently civil lawyers and judges weren't the only ones out of control. The dog's owner

had already served 21 days in jail and three months under house arrest for the animal-control violation. He wasn't living in the house with his dog at the time of the attack, he said, and the acquaintance who was taking care of his dog left town before the trial.

Apparently these folks haven't read about howMichigan considered handling cats that wander the neighborhood unchecked.

Hat tip to Overlawyered .

Ten Commandments in Court

The real reason we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse:

Posting "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Covet" and "Thou Shalt Have No Other Gods Before Me" in a building full of lawyers and judges just doesn't work.

Lawyers take the high road...sort of

Lynndie England's lawyers in her sentencing trial,

sought leniency for Pfc. Lynndie England at a hearing Tuesday to determine her punishment in the Abu Ghraib prison abuse scandal, with a psychologist testifying that the reservist was oxygen-deprived at birth, speech impaired and had trouble learning to read.

Interestingly they took the high road and didn't bother pointing out that this behavior,

England held a leash looped around the neck of a hooded, naked prisoner. Another showed her next to nude prisoners stacked in a pyramid, while a third depicted England pointing at a prisoner's genitals as a cigarette dangled from her lips.

was something some guys would pay a lot of money for.

Interesting twist on "Crooked lawyer gets murderer off"

How do you get off for murdering three generations of a family? Hire a crooked lawyer and then have your lawyer claim on appeal...that your first lawyer was crooked. A lawyer, crooked? That's news. If this appeal strategy catches on, is there really any chance that any murder conviction will ever stick?

A man serving life for the murders of three generations of a family had his convictions quashed yesterday after the appeal court ruled that he had not had a fair trial because of a conflict of interest involving his solicitor.

$60,000 bus ticket

Apparently you can go Greyhound and leave the driving to them. And with gas at $2/gallon, the tickets are actually damn cheap. But don't worry, as with all good things that need to be brought to an end, the lawyers are on the case. Apparently, they think a bus ticket should include a $60,000 city tax.

The city of Duluth may also take civil action to recoup about $40,000 to $60,000 from Wilbanks for costs incurred in her hometown's search for her, Police Chief Randy Belcher said at a Monday evening news briefing.

The city's attorneys have yet to actually say what their cause of action is. Apparently, these attorneys are just really anxious to get into court, tort or no tort.

Welcome

Not another blawg! No, in fact it isn't.

There are, of course, dozens of good blawgs (such as Volokh.com) covering court decisions, etc., several good sites (such as overlawyered.com) reporting on the abuses of the legal profession and hundreds of conspiracy theorists, pro se advocates, etc. Plenty out there.

Dick the Butcher will take a decidedly lighter view, or darker, perhaps, as the name might imply. In either case it will bring an irreverent and humorous focus to looking at the shenanigans of shysters. And occasionally a humorous and irreverent look at some of the goofiness put out by those who criticize the lawyers.

Lawyer or nonlawyer, if you are easily offended or have no sense of humor (and you weren't clued in by the title or the first post, quoting the original Dick the Butcher) this is probably not the place for you. Comments complaining about my bad taste, etc. will be ridiculed. Comments complaining about my lack of sense of humor will be ignored. Threats will, of course, be referred to my lawyer.

Dick the Butcher

Dick the Butcher and friends from Henry VI, William Shakespeare:

(Note: In spite of the moniker, no lawyers were harmed in the making of this blawg.)

CADE

Be brave, then; for your captain is brave, and vows
reformation. There shall be in England seven
halfpenny loaves sold for a penny: the three-hooped
pot; shall have ten hoops and I will make it felony
to drink small beer: all the realm shall be in
common; and in Cheapside shall my palfrey go to
grass: and when I am king, as king I will be,--

ALL

God save your majesty!

CADE

I thank you, good people: there shall be no money;
all shall eat and drink on my score; and I will
apparel them all in one livery, that they may agree
like brothers and worship me their lord.

DICK

The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.

CADE

Nay, that I mean to do. Is not this a lamentable
thing, that of the skin of an innocent lamb should
be made parchment? that parchment, being scribbled
o'er, should undo a man? Some say the bee stings:
but I say, 'tis the bee's wax; for I did but seal
once to a thing, and I was never mine own man
since. How now! who's there?